Hace un año// A year ago

Hace un año, fui a México con mi grupo de WIM, y es increíble sentarme aquí en mi cuarto en Westmont, reflejando en el año pasado. Pues, no sé exactamente como decirlo, pero mi corazón todavía me duele. Hace un año, estuve en mi tercera semana del viaje, y ahora estoy empezando mi tercer año en Westmont. Un parte de mi corazón anhela regresar a Mexico ahora porque tengo una idea ideal de Querétaro. Yo sé que idealizo  mucho de mi semestre en QRO, y yo sé que olvido todos los partes malos de mi cuatro meses alla. Pero, honestamente, hay un gran parte de mi alma que no está contento aqui en los estados unidos. Siento como mi alma ha roto, y todavía, despues de un año, no he sanado. No quiero olvidar mi tiempo en QRO, pero no quiero pasar tiempo reflejando profundamente en mi semestre porque me duele. Ojalá regresar con todo mi corazón, y es muy dificil ahora porque una amiga mía regresará en tres semanas..a Queretáro para visitar con su novio mexicano. Tengo celos de ella, porque yo no puedo regresar tambien. Y ser honesta, otro parte de mi alma me duele porque quiero tener las mismas relaciones y amistades que tenía en Mexico, especialmente con los amigos de Betél, y con las personas de mi grupo de WIM. Es muy, muy desafiante estar aqui en Westmont sin tres personas de mi grupo (que ya se han graduado) y tambien es desafiante ser con los otros, pero en una nueva manera y en otro contexto. En Mexico, tenía las mejores amistades de mi vida. En Westmont yo he mantenido la mayoria de mis amistades, pero no son las mismas que fueron en Mexico....este me duele mucho. Pues, de todo modo, no quiero simplemente quejarme. Me siento bendecida porque tuve la oportunidad a estudiar afuera de los Estados. Tuve las experiencias mejores de mi vida. Tuve una oportunidad a aprender, construir relaciones increíbles y vistiar los mas bellos lugares del mundo. Por eso, doy gracias, aún en mi tristeza. Gracias a Dios por mi semestre en Mexico.

-Emily

(sorry it's in Spanish. I needed a place to let out my emotions!) Love love, Em

It's Only Just Begun// Acaba de Empezar

My final reflection paper on the entire experience of Mexico...what a blessing this journey has been.
Em

Mas Cosas de mi Corazon//More things from my Heart

Wow. It has been 3 months, almost 4, since I have returned home and I am now almost done with ANOTHER semester at Westmont. The way time passes is unreal.

Well, hello, to whoever may stumble upon this blog. I am no longer in Mexico, but it does not mean that the processing has stopped. While I won't go so far as to keep posting every Sunday, or even go so far as to post this on Facebook for the world to see, I want to continue keeping this space open for my feelings and thoughts on Mexico and the entire experience.

How am I doing? How have I been? That's quite a lot to explain in one quick post, and there has been some of the highest highs and lowest lows in the past 3 1/2 months. Home is the best and most comfortable place, yet sometimes seems to bring the most pain and the most heartache. I have had to adapt to having half of my heart in Mexico and to the reality that nothing will ever be the same. Even if I have the fortunate chance to return to QRO (which I WILL make happen eventually), nothing will ever be the same. Isn't that a scary thought? My friendships will never be the same, the people I interacted with will never be the same, the church I attended will never the same, even the city in the long run will never be the same. I think sometimes this hurts me because I am not a big fan of change. I do not like having to move on from one great experience in my life and then not be able to go back to it and relive it all over again. Thus, sometimes I get very very nostalgic and it's almost painful and unbearable. I crave something that God blessed me with once, but that I will not be experiencing ever again. Even simple relationships that I had with my WIM team have changed, and I question why certain friendships were given to me if now they almost are non-existent. There are all these incredible memories that I have, and I want to relive them but I cannot. Quite plainly, it sucks! If only there were a way in which I could explain how heartbreaking it is sometimes.

So, while I dwell often in sadness, I am also still trying to figure out how Mexico can play now into my life and how it can be a tangible and good thing. I don't want Mexico to disappear from my life, but on the other hand I don't want it to become something that saddens me to think about. I am trying to find this middle ground, and I think some days my memories make me laugh and smile, while other days my memories make me want to cry. Then, what solution is there? I'm not quite sure, and I know it will be a long time until I truly figure out what God is teaching me through this transition period. Culture shock is over, but "returning from the best semester ever of your life" shock is not over.

With this, whoever reads this, whoever may stumble across this post, I ask for your prayer that you can pray for my transition which is apparently still going on. Ask me questions about how I am and how Mexico impacted my life. I want to share, I want to dwell, I want to rejoice in the past--all in a healthy way. Seek me out, be intentional and love on me as this process continues.

And as I end, I write to the Father who made me, who gave me Mexico as a gift, and I say thank you. Thank you for everything, no matter how difficult it has been at times. I wouldn't take back this trip for the world, regardless of how tough it has often made things back here in the States. Jesus knew what He was doing, and He still does. I too will pray in this season of life, and seek His wisdom.

Blessings on this night and this next chapter of life.

E

My first picture being back home--lovely Laguna in December.